Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize