There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
