I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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