So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
