evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just googled if crying burns calories
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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