Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
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after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
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Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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