I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The Olympian is in my bed
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
