i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
