you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize