We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
