and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
