her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
