If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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