dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
