She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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