Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
