Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
