Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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