hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize