Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
