I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
