I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
