So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
