Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
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if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
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Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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