I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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