woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
