a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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