I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
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I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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