I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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