Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Mom said you looked used
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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