dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
