the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
