is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
