that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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