i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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