I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
