A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
ugly people sure do ruin things
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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