I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
