Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
