cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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