When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
