sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
