turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Shitshow foam night was such a success
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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