I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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