I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
