I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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