I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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