worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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