Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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