I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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