Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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