I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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