remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
BRING THE BAGELS
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
