I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
