I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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