theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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