even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
