I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
