So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
