took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
