this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize