ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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