Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
