Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
