I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
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Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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