I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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