Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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