im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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