tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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