what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
