so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
