I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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